I wasn't always like this

 I wasn't like this.... 

I wasn’t always the girl who pulls back to protect her peace. I wasn’t always the one who kept certain parts of herself guarded. The one who loved quietly, who cared deeply but on her own terms. The one who now sets boundaries  even in friendships. 

No, this version of me was shaped by life.

Shaped by experiences I never asked for. Shaped by being misunderstood more times than I can count. Shaped by the way I used to give and give, until I was left empty, confused, and quietly hurting.

Most people don’t know that part. They see me now a little distant sometimes, a little slower to trust, a little quieter when something hurts and they think I’m cold or uninterested. That I’ve built walls. That I don’t care the way they expect me to. 

But what they don’t see… is everything I’ve survived.

They don’t know about the friendships that slowly drained me, the people who only came close when they needed something, the times I tried to express my heart but was made to feel like I was “too much” or “too sensitive.” They don’t know how many times I was left wondering, Did I do something wrong? when all I ever did was love the best way I knew how.

So yes, I’ve changed.

Now, I set boundaries not because I don’t care, but because I finally care about myself too. I’ve learned that not everyone deserves full access to my energy. I’ve learned that protecting my peace isn’t selfish it’s survival. It’s healing. It’s necessary.

And my way of loving? It may not be loud or constant, but it’s real. I love by remembering the little things. By checking in quietly. By being present when it matters. I don’t always say it, but I show it in my own way.

That kind of love doesn’t always get noticed. And it definitely doesn’t always get understood.

I’ve had people walk away because they wanted me to love like them, not like me. I’ve been told I was distant, cold, or “not the same anymore.” But they never stopped to ask why I’ve become this way. They never tried to understand the girl behind the silence.

But I know who I am now. I know what I offer. And I know I’m not hard or heartless  I’m just someone who’s learned to love with boundaries. Someone who’s no longer willing to bend until I break.

If you’ve ever felt this too  if you’ve been misunderstood for protecting your peace  please know you’re not alone. You don’t have to explain your healing to people who haven’t walked your path. The ones who truly care will make the effort to understand you. They won’t make you feel guilty for growing.

Because this version of me?
She was built from pain.
She was built from lessons.
She was built from strength.
And no, I’m not going back.✌💔

                                                                                                                           Sreeshma Matam