New Phase in my Life
SEPTEMBER 19TH 2023
Never imagined I'd be writing this, but circumstances force me to do so for my blog. The numerous types of happiness and despair that entered my life at this new stage with just one flight. The choice to live a hard life rather than a comfortable life was something that couldn't be conveyed before moving to Australia.
Despite the fact that I made the decision on my own, I still have to carry out all of the steps by myself. I didn't enter this life overseas alone; I had my friend as a travelling companion. We both made the decision to leave our families in order to study and pursue higher education in order to eventually realise our ambitions. When you are so devoted to your lovely, adoring, and supportive family, it is difficult to fathom living without them.
Since you've never left your parents before, being the youngest member of the family you can understand leaving them. Dad initially opposed this difficult choice, but my persistence eventually won him over. I am aware of the amount of labor he put into paying my fees and caring for all of my possessions.
Thank you, dad. My mother was the first person I told when I had a thought because she is the only one who can read my body language. My mother told me to "go live your life" the day I told her I was going to study abroad without any second thoughts. She just accepted it at that same instant, and I immediately realised how much she believed in me. Mum, you are loved.
December 8th 2024
It’s been quite a while since I last wrote a blog. I’ve struggled to find the time to pen down my thoughts. This past year has truly been a rollercoaster, both in my career and personal life. Not everything in life goes according to plan, and I’ve come to accept that. People come and go, and everything is temporary.
One important realization I’ve had is that no one will truly understand you the way you understand yourself. It’s essential to not give up, even when things seem overwhelming. Find your own way forward, no matter what challenges arise.
Life can be full of struggles, yet it’s important to hold on to your smile. What is meant for you will find its way to you at the right time. I’ve also learned to comfort myself with the thought that most people don’t genuinely care; it’s often just an act. Ironically, the people you consider closest to you can sometimes be the source of your greatest pain.
Even so, it’s not always easy to remove these people from your life, especially when they’ve become so important to you. Navigating these emotions is challenging, but it’s a reminder of how complex relationships can be. Through it all, staying resilient and holding onto hope has been my biggest lesson.
Every day brings its own challenges, but I believe a woman can endure until she reaches her limits. My biggest fear has always been responsibility. In the past, I wasn’t very responsible; I was naïve and relied on my family for support. However, moving to Australia changed that. I couldn’t escape responsibility—it became an integral part of my life. That, in itself, has been my greatest learning experience.
Every moment matters—some people appreciate your efforts, while others may not even acknowledge your existence. And that’s okay because I’m here on my own, not because of anyone else. My parents always knew I wouldn’t easily adjust to others because it’s not in my nature, but I’m genuinely trying to adapt.
I can’t remember being this sad in years. The last time I felt this way was in 2019 when I experienced my biggest heartbreak. It was an incredibly tough time, and it took a lot of effort to bounce back. I never shared those feelings with anyone except my closest people. Now, after all these years, I feel like I’m facing a similar dark phase.
Things are not going according to plan, and it’s hard to put into words how I feel. My heart feels unbearably heavy, and it’s been really hard to cope.
I often wonder, why is this happening only to me? At the same time, I remind myself that maybe God believes I’m strong enough to endure this pain alone. Feeling lonely even when surrounded by people is a strange and heavy burden, and it makes me feel like I’m losing myself. This isn’t who I am—this isn’t me.
My body feels exhausted, and my mind is overwhelmed. Being stuck in this confused phase of life is unbearable. I find it hard to navigate this chaos, and many people perceive me as selfish or worse, but they don’t see the bigger picture. I’ve left so much behind for others. When you take on responsibilities and think about others, they often don’t appreciate it. Instead, they start questioning your choices, without understanding that it’s because of their actions that you were forced to make those tough decisions.
Maybe I’m wrong at times, but my intentions have never been bad. I’ve learned to stay silent in many situations because arguing feels pointless. I’m not here to prove myself—I already know who I am.
I shouldn’t let it bother me anymore. I can confidently say that I’m strong enough to handle these situations. And in the future, no matter what challenges arise, I won’t step back. I’m ready to face every challenge head-on and hustle through whatever comes my way.
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